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Adventures of an Unemployed Youth, pt 2

June 22, 2010

On Sunday I applied to two job listings for an “Entry Level Marketing Position.”  Both ads used the same term, and both involved “direct marketing.”  I wasn’t sure what this was, so I decided to give it a shot anyway.  On Monday, I heard back from both places.  The first caller pushed me very quickly into an interview without giving me any information on the job or asking much information from me.  The next call I decided to squeeze some information out of them.  Here’s how it went.

A woman with a tinge of an Indian accent: “Hello, may I speak with Paul?”

Me: “Yes, this is he.”

“Hello, Paul, this is *mumble* from *MUMBLE* and associates (after researching, I’m pretty sure it’s Dzurenda & Associates), calling about your job inquiry, do you have a few minutes?”

“Yes I do.”

“Well, Paul, we received your resume for the job ‘Entry Level Marketing,’ you’re interested in working with us?”

“Yes I am.”

“Paul, we believe in direct marketing, and we have an extensive clientèle and service Fortune 500 companies, and we don’t do telemarketing or mailing, we do direct marketing, face to face sales, and we move people quickly into management positions.”

“Um, okay.”

“Paul, could you handle being moved into a management position?”

“Yes…”  This seemed like a dumb question to me.

“Paul, we have extensive training for our management and for our marketing.”

“Okay, that sounds fine.”

“Paul, what got you interested in marketing?”

“Well, I’d like to have a job where I get to write and think, and marketing seems like it’d be a good fit for my talents.”

“Okay, Paul, and you like sales?”

“Sales seems fine…”  I’m thinking right now, I wanna be like on Madmen, but I don’t want to say that because that’s a stupid thing to say.

“And I see, Paul, that you have a lot of colleges listed.”

“Yeah, I took summer classes at those others, but I graduated from St. John’s.”  I thought that was apparent from my resume.

“And Paul, I don’t have an address for you (a recruiter told me that putting addresses on resumes is a thing of the past), where do you live?”

“East Palo Alto.”

“Okay, Paul, our offices are located in San Francisco, would that be too much of a commute?”

“No, I think I can manage.”

“Okay, Paul, we’d like to have you come in for a real interview to get things finished up, can you come in this Thursday?”

“Wait, before the interview, what is it that you do exactly?”

“We do direct marketing, Paul.”

“I know you said that, but what’s involved in direct marketing?  You said it’s not telemarketing -”

“Yes, it’s not telemarketing or mailing, Paul, it’s direct.”

“So how does that work?”

“So, Paul, we work with AT&T, and we market to their customers.”

“Right, but how?”

“We market directly, Paul.  With AT&T.”

“You’re not explaining what you do.  What is it that you do?”

“Well, Paul, we get a list of customers from AT&T, and then we inform them about new services.”

“How do you inform them?  You don’t call them up.”

“No, that’s right, Paul, we inform them directly.”

“You mean like door to door?”

“Paul, we inform the customers on the list that we get from AT&T about new services relevant to them as customers.”

“You’re still not telling me anything about what you do.”

“Paul, we market sales face to face with customers that we get from a list from AT&T.”

“I’m sorry, this doesn’t sound like something I’m interested in.”

“Paul, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks, I hope you find someone right for the job.  Not interested.  Bye.”

“Can we offer you a limited subscription -”

That last line didn’t actually happen, but boy was I waiting for it.  That lady sounded like a seasoned telemarketer, which is a complete turn-off automatically.  I researched it, and these guys are door to door sales people, paid by commission.  If selling Cutco knives is appealing to you, this is right up your alley.  Check out the yelp sites for NorCal Group, Inc. (, which has tried to rebrand as NCG inc., to get the lowdown on this ring of direct marketers.  I cancelled my interview with them.

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