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The Tea Party is Stupid

September 8, 2010

If I were going to have a political party, I would call it the Coffee Party to show how weak-sauce the Tea Party and its corporate money-scheming leaders and its sheep-like incensed followers are.  The Coffee Party would be all about good government for the people and by the people, not government for the rich sponsored by the poor.  We’re about drinking coffee and getting down to the business of fixing government and protecting the people.  Coffee is the working man’s drink.  Coffee is the drink that realizes we need to work together to build a better future.  If we don’t drink coffee together, we may as well be shooting each other with the biggest guns we can find.  That’s really all the leaders of the Tea Party want – the ability to screw over as many people as they want so that they can continue to live in luxury and drink tea.  Should people be fiscally responsible?  Yes.  Should people take on that responsibility by enabling a predatory market that will destroy their health, wealth, and happiness?  No.  The free market is a fine idea if the people involved in it are not going to act against any of the consumer protections that our current market is founded on (and we could definitely use some better ones).  However, it’s not profitable to do that.  With profitability as the primal motivation of the free market, concern for one’s fellow man goes down the drain as fast as the quality of production.  The Coffee Party is dedicated to protecting the life, liberty, happiness and property of all members of the union.  We’ll get there one cup of coffee at a time.  Tea is a fine drink for relaxing after an afternoon of hard work, but it’s a luxury.  We don’t need more luxury in America, we need more work.  We need more coffee drinking.

Better yet, let’s not skimp on the sophomorics.  Instead of the Coffee Party, I’m going to call it the Awesome Party.  Even better yet, because Awesome is such a common a modifier it’s painful to use, how about we kick it up a knotch:  The Party Awesome.  Democratic party, Republican party, Stupid party, or Party Awesome, which are you going to pick?  Yeah, I thought so.

You may wonder, why not the MetaPostModern Party?  This is the MPMPC, after all.  Well, the answer is quite simple – the MPMP is not a political movement, it’s  a philosophical movement.  It is a special type of philosophical movement, though, you might say, one that rejects the idea that it could be limited into a sphere outside of politics alone.  I’d call you a wise-guy and tell you to shut up.  Sure, the ideas of the Party Awesome agree in part with the MPMP, like that people should be doing to others what they’d want done to themselves and that the role of human government is to facilitate that as much as possible.  As far as ethical concerns go, the Party Awesome is right along the same track.  However, the MPMP also believes that ethics, as well as everything else in the physical and metaphysical universe, is completely absurd.  It can’t ever decide if it should take anything seriously or not.  It doesn’t even take itself seriously.  Alternately, it takes itself too seriously.  So while the principles of the MPMP may be alright for masochistic philosophers, they aren’t any good for founding a country.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 9, 2010 2:41 am

    Are there Democratic demagogues? And I mean Democratic in the contemporary manner. Is it possible that both political parties are basically run on demagogue-esk rhetoric? A philosopher such as yourself should avoid wading into the muck! Avoid their rhetoric, don’t allow yourself to say “protecting the people” without expressing what that means! And it can mean a reiteration of the party platform. That lends to the idea that a particular party’s infrastructure (they surely aren’t even coherent ideologies, but machines grinding away for supremacy) has the monopoly on “protecting the people.” When your wallowing in the undefined and undefinable rhetoric of the politicians you waste your energies fighting for a popular definition of the phrase, “protecting the people.” “You damn hippy, You protect our cauntry from illegal immigrants?! You’re obamhadinishad can’t even get me a job!” On and on and on and on. Important matters of citizen consideration glide thoughtlessly past while the politicians play their tunes on warped souls and eaten minds, leaving our Republic at the mercy of expediency and thoughtless action.

    What then? Don’t take potshots at one set of demagogues for this legitimizes the base rhetoric of the other.

    Also, sign me up for Party Awesome. Micah Beck for president.

    • September 9, 2010 3:36 am

      From outside Washington, listening to the radio or catching glimpses of television, it sure seems like all contemporary politics is about is demagoguery. At least, that’s all that can be shown on TV. Doesn’t matter if they’re republican or democratic, it seems like all talking points and broad statements without much action. Even the criticism of the talking heads turns into off-the-mark rhetoric. The Democrats don’t seem nearly as bad as the Republicans because the Dems only have the middle class to worry about for their base of support, so at least they’re honest about their agenda – ever since Reagan got the lower classes to unite with the upper to back the GOP, the Republicans have been two-facing it to somehow be seen as a party that protects the working man while doing everything they can to support corporations’ rights to trod their workers down. So I’m not as upset with the rhetoric of the Democrats. But especially in election season, it feels like there’s a whole lot of talking going on and not a lot of actual political action.

      I think Party Awesome has a monopoly on protecting the people, not any other party. We care about doing our job, and think that doing our job well is the best way to stay in office. We’re anti-rhetoric. We’re in politics to help the citizens and further the cause of justice, whatever form it might take. That means we might have to make tough, unpopular decisions, but we’ll make em for the good of the country. I see protecting the people as making sure that no injustice is being taken against anyone so that there’s a true benefit to the social contract we all hold up to live in society. That means some people will need to give up some of their natural rights, like the right to property that the tax cut for the top two percent of wealthiest people gives (and Obama rightly wants to end it), but really it’s for the good of the whole. Without a little giving up of your wealth and power to help out society, you leave no choice but for the rest of society to be at war with you. Sounds kind of like extortion, but really it’s for everyone’s benefit.

      Party Awesome is also all about calling people on being ass holes, so that’s what I was doing by making a funny drawing of Glenn Beck. And if there were a Democrat ass hole to make fun of, don’t worry, Party Awesome doesn’t pull its punches. I’ve just seen more of Beck and the Tea Party recently so I wanted to call him and them stupid.

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