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Cellular Phones

June 5, 2011

I probably have mono now, a year after leaving college.  The doctor won’t confirm it until my lymph nodes swell up and I break out in shivering fevers, but that’ll happen in a couple weeks probably.  What does that say about me, that I have it now instead of then?  That I wasn’t kissing enough girls in school?  Or that I wasn’t kissing the right ones?  Or maybe that I’m not very good at drinking out of other peoples’ cups.  I’m kissing the right girl now at least.  It’s nothing to worry about, though.  It’s a virus, either it’ll kill me or I’ll kill it, and without any help from modern medicine.  As long as I have my cell phone I’ll be okay.

Except: My phone is really dying now.  It’s lasted me about three years and it’s been making monthly payments on the farm it wants to buy for the past two.  That’s pretty good for a flip phone, though.  I think its saving grace was that whenever I dropped it the battery would fly apart to absorb the impact.  But now the phone’s starting to drop calls every one in three, and it disallows me (its term, not mine) from sending text messages, and sometimes it just spins its gears and doesn’t do anything when I want it to do something.  I don’t know how much longer it’ll be one of death’s stoop pigeons.  In this modern era of ours and in this modern location of mine, that means I’m in the market for a Smart Phone.  They seem like fine gadgets, but the question of which to choose doesn’t have a clear answer.  I wanted to put off even asking the question for a couple more years until the rapid winds of  technological progress had settled into the doldrums of iPhones with toothpicks.  There’d be a clear choice then.  I hope there’d be, at least.  All the phones would probably still die in two years, so I shouldn’t really care.  Gone are the days of quality consumer items that’ll last a lifetime – the only things that last anymore are Capri Sun pouches, mercury, and aerosol pollution.  At least demand and profits abound in their respective gyres!  I’ll just get a Smart Phone and add my whisper of a purchase to the swirling torrent of the marketplace.  Then I’ll play Tiny Wings and forget I was bothered to begin with.

So anyway, to prepare for the new phone I had to move all my old pictures off the old phone because I’m sentimental.  Here are some of the most entertaining pictures I took in the past three years.


This is a sculpture I sent down to the dish pit staff for their amusement.  Made of apple, forks, and donut.


There’s something wrong with this picture, and not just all the dirt on my car!  And yes I’ve cleaned it since then.

A giant A for Annapolis?  No.  It would’ve been the front end to an amazing Trojan Horse, if it had been amazing and hadn’t collapsed on itself while most of the Junior class in 2009 was trying to tip it up onto its feet.  This serves as a reminder of how I should be willing to ask for advice, especially when I think I don’t need it.

This is Gasworks Park in Seattle.  You should go see it if you haven’t.  It’s pretty sublime.

These are two cicadas that I kept hermetically sealed in the fire-hose closet on 2nd Pinkney.  One had been in there since the first week of my Freshman year, and the other had been in there since the first week of my Senior year.  There was one in there from Junior year, but someone smashed it Senior year and then it disappeared.  The one I put in Sophomore year disappeared a month later.  So they mark the beginning and end of college for me.  I hope that they’re still there.

This is a troll wolf in Santa Fe.  I know it’s a troll because the sun’s out in the picture and the wolf looks like it’s turned into stone.

This is a blimp that gives tours of the bay area.  It was really close to the ground when I took the picture (like bigger than a hand’s width), but you’ll just have to take my word for it because I didn’t get anything to reference its size in the frame.  But do you really think my phone’s camera has a great zoom lens anyway?

This crab was captured for an experiment.  Experiment: To see what a crab is.  Result: A crab is something that doesn’t do much.

The guy who owns this bike knows what’s up.

Spontaneous art is the best kind of art.

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin crossed the Pacific Ocean to bring the falling dominoes of communism to Mainstreet Fremont, USA.  Too bad America prefers hopscotch to dominoes, Comrade.

Sometimes when I’m good my girlfriend gives me smooches.

This is the first picture I ever took with my phone.  That’s my puppy, Murphy.  He’s adorable.

This is a purple dahlia.  Consider it a treat for wading through these memories of mine.  See you in the app store.

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