Nigel hocked a fat loogie onto the window of Cafe du Temps. “They didn’t meet my expectations,” he said. “But they did meet my expectorate.”
Apartments and rented houses are more valuable in February than in any other month. Their value decreases slightly every four years (still worth more than during the other months), but in the next year the value raises to the previous level.
I got a stool from IKEA the other day and it came with this warning label. I couldn’t scan the captions for each image, the print was too small and the original Swedish characters made things confusing. The captions are important for understanding the images, though, so I copied them down to share. Here they are:
1. Your stool weighs 100 kgs (220 lbs).
2. Do not let your stool mount a stack of books.
3. Do not let your stool mount two stacks of books.
4. When large rocks are not present, stools are not a safe alternative for crossing a river.
5. Do not place your stool on The Candy-Cane Mountain.
6. Observe: the stool in its natural habitat.
7. Do not use very large brushes to paint your stool.
8. Stools are not made of weather.
9. Investigate your stool, it may be hiding something.
10. Do not use your stool to leap out of an open window.
I got home tonight tired from a long day at work, and I decided to pop open a bottle of wine to enjoy along with the remaining room-temperature pizza slices I’d saved from lunch. But fate seemed to have other plans for my evening as I pushed up on the corkscrew. Instead of a cork, I had pulled out only a core sample of frustration.
If this has happened to you before, you know just how disappointing it is. Half the cork is still in the bottleneck, half has turned into pulpy icebergs that you can’t scoop out, and none of your wine is going in your belly without cork bits in your mouth. If this hasn’t happened to you, you’re lucky. Or just more adept with a corkscrew than I am. At this stage you could give up the ghost and dump the whole bottle, but there’s actually a very simple solution to this problem using a common household product. Thanks to Maddie C. for getting me started on this idea.
Before you continue, though, make sure to smell the wine. When a cork is old and broken like this it’s possible the wine’s gone bad, and in that case there’s no point trying to save it. If it smells alright, then let’s get to work!
Go to the kitchen cabinet that has all your tea stuff and grab yourself a tea bag. Coffee filters could work too. If you only have tea bags with tea in them, you should empty the tea out before continuing unless you want tea wine. An herbal tea is probably your best bet for that.
Put the tea bag over the mouth of the bottle. Don’t worry, it can still breathe through the filter. I’m doing this in the sink because I might spill some wine in the next step.
Keeping a tight grip on the tea bag, tip the bottle up and pour it into your wine glass. You need to keep the tea bag pressed tight to the bottle to make sure the wine pours through it and not just around it. The wine shouldn’t be flowing more than how you see in the picture. It’s possible the wine won’t pour through the tea bag because of air pressure, so if you’re having trouble just play around with the angle of the bottle or shake it violently until you start getting drips.
With this simple procedure, you’ll avoid all cork bits but still have a beautiful glass of wine. Make sure to drink your wine some place classy like your personal library.
And with that, it’s time to enjoy. Cheers!
Tastes good, don’t it?
Oh yeah, tastes real good.